


The Rest of Our Lives

by cleo4u2



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Declarations Of Love, Don't copy to another site, Fix-It, Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), not-proposals of marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-09 05:05:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18631384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cleo4u2/pseuds/cleo4u2
Summary: SPOILERS STOP READING CHRISTFix if fic, picking up when Steve hops into the time machine at the end of the movie and telling what Stevereallydid for the rest of his life. Hint, it's not a she.





	The Rest of Our Lives

**Author's Note:**

> All the thanks to [NurseDarry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NurseDarry/profile) for being my wonderful beta and hoping on this so quickly!

“I’ll miss you, pal.”

That was all he could say. He couldn’t express the heartbreak he was feeling, the way his chest felt too small, constricting so he could barely breathe. Every second he kept it together was an agonizing struggle, but he did it for Steve. Steve needed him to be okay if he was going to find peace, peace he rightly deserved after so long and so much. 

Bucky had just hoped he would be the one to give Steve that peace.

Idly, Bucky wondered how Bruce and Sam couldn’t see that Steve didn’t plan to come back. It was clear on his face, not to mention how he had been quietly saying goodbye to everyone; this trip through time he had volunteered for was not one he planned to come back from. Bucky wanted to hate him for that, but he couldn’t. Not when Steve had lost so much, suffered so much. If this was the happiness he chose, Bucky would never take that from him.

He’d just really thought Steve was going to choose him.

Maybe he should have made that clearer the few times Steve had come to Wakanda, or any of the million times they’d called, face-timed, or texted. If Steve had known what Bucky wanted - Steve, in every way he could have him - maybe he wouldn’t be leaving. Maybe, but Bucky hadn’t had the courage to do it. Just being a person was hard enough on a good day. Being _more_ , being with Steve… he hadn’t been ready. Not until now as he tried to smile at Steve and Steve smiled tightly back.

They stared at each other until Steve vanished, Bucky willing Steve to stay, to come back, to change his mind, and Steve… 

Steve was saying goodbye. Steve was leaving Bucky to live out the rest of his life without his best friend.

Bucky couldn’t watch as Bruce and Sam waited for Steve to come back because Steve wasn’t coming back. He turned away, turned to a life he was going to have to figure out on his own - and wasn’t it funny he didn’t want that any more? After running all the way to Romania, into cryo, to Wakanda, all he wanted was Steve to help him figure out a life post-post-Thanos.

Seeing the small, rounded shoulders sitting on the bench stopped Bucky in his tracks. For a second he thought Steve _had_ come back to him, but no. Those were not Captain America’s shoulders. Those were the shoulders of little Stevie, the punk he’d grown up with, only not that either. Not paired with white hair.

“Sam,” Bucky called because he couldn't do this. He couldn’t say goodbye again. “Sam!”

And Sam did it. Sam said goodbye, took the shield that he deserved, and Bucky hung back. He couldn’t do it. Nothing in this would could make him say goodbye twice. When Steve glanced at him, a small smile on his lips, Bucky was sure he understood. And wasn’t that a kick in the nuts?

\----

It should have been Natasha that dropped Bucky off blocks from his safehouse. Sam couldn’t, he was busy with old Steve, so Bucky had rented a car and driven himself. It didn’t feel right, being alone after the funeral… after Steve. There should have been someone with him, but there was so much to be done now. The world was in chaos with the billions returned without warning and someone had to take care of it.

Someone else, anyway. Bucky was done. He returned the rental car and walked, hoping maybe the blocks would ease the pain eating away at his chest. They didn’t since he noticed he was being followed after about thirty seconds. Whoever it was wasn’t good at this kind of thing, either. The hat and sunglasses hadn’t helped, only making they guy stand out on the cloudy day as they weaved in between the packed crowds. Bucky debated just losing his tail, but then he’d also lose his distraction and have to deal with his feelings.

Fuck that.

Taking a left at the next block, Bucky tucked himself against the building’s brick wall. Sure enough, his tail came bowling around the corner without a second’s hesitation. Bucky caught him by the throat and wrist, twisting the latter behind his back so any resistance could be met by a swift, clean break. There was no resistance, though. His tail yelped and flattened against the building without fighting at all.

Bucky instantly released him, though. He _knew _that yelp.__

__“Steve?!”_ _

__Smart enough to look sheepish, Steve turned around with his horrible disguise and smiled at Bucky. He wasn’t wrinkled or silver-haired. He wasn’t small, but broad and thick with muscle. He was Steve and to say Bucky didn’t understand would have been an understatement._ _

__“Hey, Buck.”_ _

__“‘Hey, Buck’?” Bucky repeated, incredulousness overwhelming his confusion. “That’s what you’ve got to say to me? What the fuck are you doing here?”_ _

__Steve blinked at Bucky like he didn’t understand the question. Then he said, “Following you,” like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Like Bucky didn’t already _know_ that._ _

__“Really?” Bucky said, putting as much venom and sarcasm into the word as he could. “I hadn’t noticed, Steve. You’re _supposed_ to be -” _With Peggy_. _ _

__Bucky couldn’t say it, couldn’t finish the sentence. He closed his teeth with a click and glared at Steve with everything those two, unspoken words made him feel. All the pain, all the regret, all the anger; he put them into that look._ _

__“Oh,” Steve waved a hand like Bucky’s rejection didn’t matter, “I returned all the stones. No worries.” Then he frowned and said slowly, “That’s not why you’re mad. Why’re you mad, Buck?”_ _

__Pain in his jaw forced Bucky to stop grinding his teeth._ _

__“Oh, I don’t know, Steve. Because you don’t come back until you’re eighty?”_ _

__Now Steve really looked confused. Bucky wanted to punch the look right off his face._ _

__“What? I’m back _now_. Everyone thinks I’ll have disappeared, but I’m here.”_ _

__Bucky nodded, lips pulling back from his teeth in a parody of a smile._ _

__“Thus my question. What are you doing here?”_ _

__“Wow, okay, so it’s really not obvious.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck as a flush began turning him red. “Um, I was following you - since I didn’t know where you were gonna be. I was… I mean, you and me. If I disappear and… retire. I think it’s time I retire. With… you?”_ _

__The words were not what Bucky expected, not after everything that had happened today. “Retire?” he repeated in the hope it would make more sense. “With you?”_ _

__Steve nodded, but his expression had crumpled into disappointment._ _

__“I’m sorry. I thought… I thought… Well, that you might… care? About me?” Steve rolled his eyes and his words came faster and his hands joined the conversation. “Of course you care about me. I meant as more than a friend. As… lovers, but not sex, or not _just_ sex, but romantically. Love. Romantic love. Romantic _affection_ , maybe if love is too strong. But that’s clearly not the case and I’ve made a huge fool out of myself so I’m just gonna go…”_ _

__Actually pointing to the left, Steve tried to slide aside and away. Though he hadn’t managed a single word while Steve babbled, Bucky caught him by the shoulder using his metal hand. He scowled, trying to make his heart understand that it didn’t need to hurt anymore, but it seemed too soon to get it to believe what his head was saying._ _

__“You didn’t… Peggy?”_ _

__Steve blinked, then blinked again._ _

__“What about Peggy?”_ _

__“You love her.”_ _

__A furrow appeared between Steve’s eyebrows that Bucky wants to smooth away._ _

__“I did, sure. What’s that got to do with it?”_ _

__And just like that, Bucky returned to wanting to punch Steve in the face._ _

__“You went back in _time_ , Steve. You said goodbye to everyone and _went back in time_.” Steve continued to look confused, so Bucky gritted out, “To her.”_ _

__“To…” Steve looked outraged. “To Peggy? I wouldn’t - _Bucky_!” Steve glowered, then huffed and rolled his eyes again. “Seriously? Bucky, I’m _here_. I loved Peggy, but I spent a decade figuring out how to move on. A decade. Trying to just… live my life, but you know what I never got over? Losing _you_.” Steve poked Bucky hard in the chest. “You, jerk. Peggy lived happily-ever-after without me, and that stung and I missed her, but not like I ever missed you.”_ _

__Something lodged in Bucky’s throat. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. All he could do was stare at Steve as his vision turned watery and Steve’s fond, yet exasperated smile quivered._ _

__“Yeah, dumb ass, you. So if I’m not getting my signals wrong - because about thirty seconds ago I thought I’d gotten my signals all kinds of messed up - you should _retire with me_.” Big, warm hands settled on Bucky’s shoulders. “Don’t you think it’s past damn time you and I get to be happy?”_ _

__“I…”_ _

__Steve didn’t let him finish._ _

__“I can’t be happy without you, Buck.”_ _

__“ _Yes_ ,” Bucky half-shouted as Steve drew in a breath to babble on. “Stevie, god, yes.”_ _

__“Really?” Steve asked as a brilliant smile spread over his face. “Yes?”_ _

__“Yes, yes, yes.” Bucky laughed, dropping his hands to Steve’s waist. “Of course, yes. God.”_ _

__Without warning, Bucky’s chest constricted and a sob broke from his throat. Though his eyes widened in alarm, Steve didn’t hesitate to wrap Bucky in his arms and catch him as he fell forward. The sobs only built as Bucky shoved his face against Steve’s neck, the shock of losing Steve finally taking its toll._ _

__“It’s okay, Buck,” Steve whispered to him, over and over as Bucky tried and failed to get a grip on his emotions. He was simply overwhelmed. The whiplash from losing Steve to now getting him back was simply too much. While he was thrilled to know Steve _hadn’t_ left him, that pain was too fresh to just vanish. Steve simply held him, held him and repeated those words like it was perfectly fine for Bucky to break down on a street corner._ _

__When Bucky could draw in a breath that didn’t sound like a dying whale, he tried to pull back, but Steve’s arms tightened like a vice._ _

__“No, it’s _okay_.” This time the words held a scolding edge. “You thought I was leaving you behind, I see it now. I’m an idiot, Buck. A complete idiot. Don’t… You don’t have to pretend it’s okay.”_ _

__Bucky sniffed and ground his forehead against Steve’s shoulder._ _

__“I knew you wanted to retire, but I thought you wanted to with _me_.” Steve’s arms tightened and Bucky lifted his head far enough to kiss Steve’s cheek. “I know - now - and I want that, too, Stevie. You ‘n’ me, yeah? Stop… fighting for once.”_ _

__Steve smiled at him while somehow looking remorseful._ _

__“I wanna take you to see the Grand Canyon and visit the whole world, like we always said we would do. I love you, love you so damn much. I’m so sorry I made you think I didn’t.”_ _

__Bucky shook his his head and dashed a hand across his eyes._ _

__“I was wrong. What matters is I was wrong.”_ _

__The dart of Steve’s eyes down to his lips was all the warning Bucky got before Steve took his face in his hands, brushed the tears away with his thumbs, and kissed him. The touch of his lips was chaste, a brush once and then twice, before he pulled back and smiled at Bucky. As first kisses went, it was everything Bucky could have wanted, minus the part where he’d just been bawling his eyes out._ _

__“Grand Canyon, huh?”_ _

__Steve nodded._ _

__“You used to talk about it all the time. Do you…?”_ _

__“Remember?” Bucky nodded. “A little. Surprised you do, though.”_ _

__Steve snorted unattractively, then linked his arm with Bucky’s and started walking down the street the way Bucky had been going. Bucky quietly steered him in the right direction._ _

__“Like I have ever forgotten anything about you, Bucky Barnes.”_ _

__Bucky made a face._ _

__“I’d like you to forget me crying like a baby.”_ _

__Cheerfully, Steve said, “Nope! Though I’m curious about why you think I wouldn’t come back to you until I’m a very old man.”_ _

__Bucky hadn’t thought of that, but he could guess now._ _

__“Well, I have some ideas. Like how we make this retirement stick. No rescues when everyone thinks you’re in the past with Peggy.”_ _

__Steve looked thoughtful._ _

__“So I come back once more when I’m eighty?”_ _

__Smiling, relieved and _excited_ for what life was about to bring, Bucky nodded._ _

__“Seems so, Mr. Rogers. Seems also like you get married between now and then.”_ _

__“I get…” Steve looked and Bucky, then scowled. “You’re fucking with me.”_ _

__“Nope. Wore a wedding ring and everything.”_ _

__Steve’s scowl deepend and Bucky was about to tell him not to worry about it, when he shook his head and lifted his chin into the air._ _

__“Well, you still don’t know when I do it, so you’ll just have to wait.”_ _

__The surprise of that had Bucky nearly walking into a lamp pole._ _

__“Yeah?” he breathed once Steve had pulled him safely out of the way._ _

__Steve smiled at him, soft and sweet._ _

__“You’ll see, Buck. We got the rest of our lives to figure it out.”_ _

__Returning that smile, a smile full of love, Bucky had to agree._ _

__“Yeah, yeah we do. All the time in the world.”_ _

**Author's Note:**

> Come and visit me on... places...
> 
> Tumblr: [cleo4u2](http://cleo4u2.tumblr.com)  
> Pillowfort: [Cleo4u2](https://www.pillowfort.io/Cleo4u2)  
> Twitter: [Cleo4u2](https://twitter.com/Cleo4u2)  
> 


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